


Don't Underestimate Me

by Mrs_SimonTam_PHD



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bad/Distasteful Jokes, Gallows Humor, Implied Sub!Lucifer, Lawyer!Michael, Lucifer is a Little Shit, M/M, Sam is a Little Shit, Sam’s Serial Killer/Unsolved Mystery Obsession, implied Dom!Michael, implied d/s dynamics, implied sub!Sam, lawyer!Sam, mentions of spankings, writer!Lucifer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 11:06:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13386519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD/pseuds/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD
Summary: Lucifer likes bugging his boyfriends, and unfortunately, Sam can get just as out of hand as Lucifer. Michael usually struggles for his control.





	Don't Underestimate Me

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: THIS CONTAINS GALLOWS HUMOR. IT IS DARK. IT IS NOT A GOOD JOKE. IT IS AN OLD ONE (IF WE CAN COUNT THE 80'S AS OLD). IT ALSO CONTAINS A SLIGHTLY BLASPHEMOUS RELIGIOUS JOKE. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY SUCH THINGS. THANK YOU. 
> 
> Guys, don’t ask me where this came from. The first joke was told to me by my father, the other one was told to me by- just like Sam- an old man in the coffee shop who went through seminary (I just get free coffee and food because I’m allegedly cute)
> 
> Much thanks to @spnyoucantkeepmedown and @madamelibrarian for reading through this mess

“Have I ever told you that you have the weirdest hobby?” Lucifer asked, looking up at Sam. 

“Hmm?” Sam asked absently, removing his headphones and looking down at one of his boyfriends, who was laying on the floor playing with tarot cards. 

“You have a weird hobby,” Lucifer repeated. 

“I do not,” Sam huffed. 

“Mhm. Because trying to solve unsolved murders is a perfectly normal hobby,” Lucifer said, rolling his eyes. “Especially while listening to animated villain songs.” 

“Shut up,” Sam grunted. “I’m trying to read.” 

“What murder mystery are we working on today, Detective?” Lucifer drawled, sitting up and climbing onto the couch. 

“Natalie Wood,” Sam said idly. “Now hush, I’m trying to find all the contradictions between Wagner’s and Davern’s stories.” 

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Natalie Wood, the only wood that can’t float,” he said. 

Sam stared at him in horror. “Lucifer!” 

“WHAT?” Lucifer shrieked innocently. 

Sam grabbed a pillow and hit Lucifer in the face with it. “She died because she  _ drowned,  _ you dick.” 

“Sam, dead bodies float,” Lucifer said patiently, taking the abuse being bestowed upon him calmly. 

“She still  _ died by drowning, _ Lucifer!” Sam said, smacking Lucifer in the face with the pillow again. 

“It’s called  _ gallows humor, _ Sam,” Lucifer said, neither of them noticing that their other boyfriend had entered. 

“Stop beating Lucifer in the face with a pillow,” Michael said blithely, “and what is called gallows humor? Did Lucifer make a bad joke?” 

“Yes,” Sam grunted, returning to his laptop and his reading over depositions. 

Lucifer rolled his eyes and relayed the joke to Michael, who gave a snort and rolled his eyes at his brother’s idiocy. 

“That’s horrible, Lucifer,” Michael said. 

“I know,” Lucifer grinned. “I am a horrible person. And I like the look of shock on Sam’s face when he sees how horrible I can be.” 

“You know he’s just going to beat your ass later for it,” Michael chuckled. “Or is that why you do it?” 

Lucifer gave a half shrug before looking over at Sam’s laptop. “Whoa,  _ Walken  _ was there?” 

“Please don’t do a poor Christopher Walken impression,” Sam begged. 

“Boys,” Lucifer grinned, attempting his best Christopher Walken impression. It was not good. 

Sam sighed and closed his laptop before looking at Lucifer. “Are you looking for attention?” he asked. 

“Maybe,” Lucifer said with a smile. 

“Fine, if you think your joke was bad,” Sam said with a smirk. “I’ve got one that’s just as bad.” 

Lucifer arched an eyebrow and leaned back, waiting for Sam’s joke. 

“So, it’s after the apocalypse, and the new world is in order,” Sam began. 

“Oh gosh, not a religious joke,” Michael muttered. 

“Hush!” Lucifer snapped. 

Sam waited until they were done before continuing. “Moses, Jesus, and Elijah meet up for a reunion, and Elijah says, ‘Well, the new world is in order, it’s been. . . thousands of years. Are we still as powerful as we were?’. The other two insisted that they were, and so Elijah said, ‘let’s prove it. Moses, what were you good at?’”

Michael sighed, not sure if he wanted to know the rest of this joke, but waiting. If that was two asses he got to spank tonight. . . well, okay. Maybe Michael was a heavy handed bastard. And he did like spanking his boyfriends. 

“Moses’ reply was ‘Well, I’m good at parting the water, of course!’ So, he took out his staff, and parted the water. He brought his staff back in and the water met again. Elijah was impressed, and he turned to Jesus before saying, ‘Jesus, what were you good at?’”

Lucifer was not looking impressed at this joke. “Are we getting somewhere with this?” he asked. 

Sam threw his boyfriend a bitchface. “Wait, patience is a virtue,” he said. 

“I’m not a virtue, I’m a sin,” Lucifer grinned. 

Sam and Michael rolled their eyes with affection. Sam continued with his joke, “Jesus’ reply was ‘Well, I’m good at walking on water!’ So he took a boat out into the middle of the water with Elijah and Moses. Jesus put two feet on top of the water, and sank.” 

Michael gasped. 

“Moses fished him out of the water, and Jesus tried again, but sank. Moses sighed and looked at Elijah. ‘You know,’ he said, ‘He hasn’t been the same since they put the holes in his feet’.” 

Michael groaned and made the sign of the cross as he prayed for forgiveness on Sam’s behalf, while Lucifer stared at Sam, who was grinning widely. 

“That is. . .  _ oh my God. _ ” Lucifer groaned. “Sam, that’s  _ terrible.  _ Where did you learn that joke? Gabriel? Dean?” 

Sam shook his head. “An old man down at the coffee shop who went through seminary.” 

“ _ That was a joke they told in seminary?? _ ” Michael shrieked. 

Sam grinned. “Yup.” 

“That’s worse than the Natalie Wood joke,” Lucifer groaned. “You win.” 

Sam smiled. “Never underestimate me again, Luce.” 

“I don’t mean to,” Lucifer purred, putting Sam’s laptop on the table and climbing onto his lap, rocking his hips into the taller man’s. “You’re just the sweetest out of us three, and so we don’t get to see this side of you very often.” 

“You both are going to have red asses for those jokes,” Michael mentioned, relaxing in the chair. 

Sam smirked and looked at Michael, crooking his eyebrow. “He baited me,” he protested playfully. 

“And you rose to the bait,” Michael replied, smirking back. “You know better.” 

Sam chuckled and looked up at Lucifer, dipping his hands into the waistband of the older man’s jeans. “I can’t help but give in to temptation every now and then,” he hummed. “I’m only human.” 

“You’re as bad as Lucifer,” Michael chuckled, standing up and walking over to the couch, sitting down next to his boyfriends and watching them through dark lashes. 

Sam smiled and leaned in for a kiss with Michael. “Is there a way I can make it up to you, angel mine?” he murmured. 

“Suck up,” Lucifer pouted. “It’s fun to be bad.” 

“It’s more fun to be good,” Sam teased back, thrusting his hips up. 

Michael laughed softly. “Don’t you have a brief to write, Sam?” he asked. 

Sam pouted. 

“You are probably not going to solve the case of Natalie Wood’s drowning tonight,” Michael said fondly, kissing Sam’s nose. 

“This is the issue dating a partner of the firm,” Sam grumbled. 

Michael smirked and kissed Sam again. “Finish your brief and order dinner, we’ll do pizza tonight so no one has to cook,” he said, “and then you can work on Natalie Wood all you want.” 

“That’s not what I asked,” Sam playfully said. 

“You’re just digging your hole to China, Sammy,” Lucifer smirked. 

Michael chuckled. “I’ll think on how you can make up it up to me,” he said, cupping Sam’s face. 

“Can I make it up to you?” Lucifer grinned. 

“Hell no,” Michael laughed, pulling Lucifer off of Sam’s lap so the younger lawyer can work. “We’re going to have some playtime while Sam works. Since  _ someone  _ wants attention.” 

“I want Sam’s attention,” Lucifer grinned, yipping at Michael’s smack to his ass. 

“You also need to work,” Michael said. “You have writing to do, especially with your new novel.” 

Lucifer made a face. “I’m editing and I don’t wanna,” he grumbled. “Don’t you have work to do?”

“Maybe,” Michael hummed. “Although right now that work is making sure that we all are doing our work. Which you’re not. And Sam is.” 

Lucifer pouted. “I don’t like editing,” he muttered. 

“What if I make it fun?” Michael ran his hands up Lucifer’s thighs. 

“I’m listening,” Lucifer purred. “Does it involve you sucking me off?” 

“Maybe, if you can stand to be good,” Michael grinned. “Why don’t we talk about this more in the bedroom?” 

“You guys can discuss it next to me,” Sam said absently. 

Michael shook his head. “We’ll all end up playing then, and then nothing will get done,” he said. 

Sam turned puppy dog eyes to his boyfriend. “Please?” 

Michael sighed and motioned for Sam to put his laptop up. “Fine. We can play.” 

Lucifer and Sam grinned. 

“You two are in for a rough time though,” Michael warned. 

Sam grinned. “Gonna beat our asses red, Sir?” he sassed. 

“And more,” Michael promised.  

 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell
> 
> Comments and Kudos are Shiny!!


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